Showing posts with label hopes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hopes. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

determined

It has been awhile.  It was quite an eventful Christmas filled with family, new babies, loud games, lots of beautiful gifts and my dad putting his head through a wall.  Pictures forthcoming.  However, with the new year upon us, I thought it fitting to talk to you about my goals for the new year.

Some of you may or may not have seen the buzz around the blogosphere, but the One Little Word project is one I think it amazing!  Ali Edwards challenges readers to select a single word to help them throughout the year.  To let that word speak to you, to embrace the word and all meanings/possibilities encumbered by it.  I really enjoyed reading about this challenge, she's been doing it for a few years now but I am now just learning about it.  However, I love it. 

I often find myself making the same resolutions each and every year, then never keeping them.  It gets overwhelming, I get busy and I end up just "surviving" the year rather than conquering it.  Not any more...because the word that spoke to me for this year is...
 
This year, I am determined.  I'm attacking this year with determination to achieve my goals and not just simply live, but to  conquer.  I hope to continually improve myself and be determined to do so.  I hope to be determined in all things including: taking care of myself, more enjoyable work experience, continuing to improve my school work, being determined to keep things tidy and always determined to stay positive through any trial.  2013 is looking to be an amazing year and I am excited for it. 
 
 
Do any of you have a word you hope to inspire you new year?  What is it and what does it mean to you?  I'd love to hear what word inspires you to be your best self in this coming New Year.



Saturday, December 15, 2012

protect the children

I theorized a few days ago that my blog post today would contain a my experiences co-planning the annual ward Christmas party.  The sore feet that I was sure would come (and I was correct), the relief of stress I would feel (I was also correct) and the end of finals week (which was also an amazing blessing).  However, life has a way of changing things...

Last night after a full day of work and a full week of decorating, cooking, singing at and cleaning up after the ward Christmas party that I was co-chair for, I was finally able to sit down upstairs and watch the news before heading to bed.  I'd read a bit about the story while at work, however, I was so busy I merely read a few headlines then continued work on a few of the divorce cases going to trial next week.  My father and my husband hadn't heard anything about the killings either, being busy at work as well.   

I was saddened and horrified by the news as I watched the timeline of this travesty unfold.  I wondered how a young man, the exact same age as me mind you, could get to such a dark, horrible place in his own mind that he felt the need to not only destroy his own life, but the lives of countless others.  I thought of my three little nieces and how horrified and distraught I would feel if any of them were in any situation remotely close to what happened in Newtown, CT.

Not only did I begin pondering on that horrific, senseless act of violence in Connecticut, but I also began pondering on the at least two other instances of violence to happen this week alone.  The Jovan Belcher murder/suicide and the Oregon mall killings have all occurred in this small window of time.  I'm sure there are many other violent acts to have taken place in the last two weeks that I am not aware of.  As my husband, father and I watched, we began discussing all of these killings that have taken place in two weeks time.  We also spoke of our experiences when Columbine, The Virginia Tech Massacre, The Aurora Colorado Movie Theater Shootings and countless other violent acts taken out on innocent men, women and children.  How when each individual event happened, we couldn't believe humanity could fall any further.  And with each individual event, we were constantly proved wrong.

The true heroine, in my humble opinion, of the entire tragedy is Victoria Soto.

CNN reports:
Soto, a first grade teacher at Sandy Hook Elementary, moved her students away from the classroom door when she heard gunfire, which students initially "thought were hammers falling," according to the father of one of her students.

Her students were huddled behind her in a corner of the classroom, her family said.

"That's when the gunman burst in, did not say a word, no facial expressions, and proceeded to shoot their teacher," said Robert Licata, whose 6-year-old son Aiden escaped by running past the shooter.

"She instinctively went into action when a monster came into her classroom and tried to protect the kids that she loved so much," her cousin, James Wiltsie, said. "We just want the public to know that Vicki was a hero."

While Soto had no children of her own, she did love her dog. The black lab Roxie spent Saturday wondering around Soto's apartment, apparently looking for her, relatives said.

Now is not the time to discuss personal opinions on gun control or demand the government take action to prevent this from happening again.  Now is the time to lovingly remember those who were lost in this horrific event.  As a current Elementary Education Major, I felt a connection with this particular occurrence.  I thought as I watched the bravery exhibited by the teachers involved wondering, If my class of kindergarteners was in that situation, would I be able to be as calm, loving and brave as these teachers were?  That answer in unclear, but I know that if I have even half of the love that those teachers had for their students, I would do anything to protect them.

My personal thoughts and prayers are with those families suffering through this incredible tragedy.  However, I know without a doubt that their families will be reunited in the hereafter.  Hold those you love tighter and always protect the children.  

"I have spoken for children—children everywhere. Some may reject some of these examples, but none should resist the plea that we unite to increase our concern for the welfare and future of our children—the rising generation.  We are speaking of the children of God, and with His powerful help, we can do more to help them. In this plea I address not only Latter-day Saints but also all persons of religious faith and others who have a value system that causes them to subordinate their own needs to those of others, especially to the welfare of children." -Dallin H. Oaks

Monday, November 19, 2012

thanks

Blessings are in abundance in my life.  It's a wonderful thing.  Even though I'm stressed with school (finals are just around the corner), work has been busy as all get out (new assistant, tons of new cases, 2 cases went to trial last week), and cleaning gets me even more stressed (however, I have been keeping consistent with keeping the bathroom clean and keeping up with laundry. Small victories!).  Sometimes I find myself struggling to keep positive when things aren't going the way I want, plan or expect.  However, with the holidays approaching I am thinking about all of the wonderful blessings in my life.  So, here I go to try and list a few:
  • My husband, he makes me so happy
  • The Coca-Cola Company, for giving me the amazing opportunity to attend college.  I am a 2011 Coca Cola Scholar and part of an amazing family of wonderfully talented individuals.  20,000 applied, 250 were chosen.  I am lucky to be part of such a wonderful group.  After attending the scholar conference in Atlanta, GA and meeting scholars from around the country we interviewed for the various levels of scholarship awards.  I was fortunate to receive a $10,000 scholarship to attend college.  It is only through the Coca Cola Company that I am able to continue my education and earn my degree, even if I hate college sometimes.
  • Diet Coke, not only is it putting me through college with money, it gives me the energy necessary to stay up until all hours of the night studying and accomplishing homework.
  • Family, my siblings (both sets) are always there for me, I have the most gorgeous nieces in the world and I have the best parents (both sets) on the planet.  I'm also fortunate to be close with my cousins, aunts and uncles.
  • Wyoming, I really enjoy where we live.  My parent's have been so wonderful letting us live rent free in the basement.  We both have jobs here.  I can attend college at a good rate here.  I like living in a small town.  I grew up in a small town, I hope to raise my children in a small (or at least smallish) community.
  • This blog, it's small.  I don't have a lot of followers.  However, I love each and every person that reads.  It's a wonderful outlet to express my thoughts and hopefully others relate to me.
  • Jobs, JD and I both have employment making us money so we are able to pay our bills and save for our future. 
  • My faith, I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I am so happy I was married in the temple for time and all eternity.  I am so happy I have the gospel in my life.  I am so grateful for missionary work and for the opportunity to participate in the full and everlasting gospel in these latter-days.
  • Friends, even though I live SO far away from my school friends and I miss them like crazy, they always keep in contact with me.  And it makes me so happy.  I also am happy to be making friends up here in Wyoming and to get to know the women in my Relief Society group in our ward.
Life is unpredictable.  Things ALWAYS change for the better, even when it doesn't seem like it.  Blissful contentedness is a wonderful thing.  And I'm happy to be finally experiencing it after a few weeks of heartache and frustration.  

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

rare breed of lady

I'm a die hard feminist.  Seriously, it's almost detrimental.  I believe we deserve equal rights as men (quite honestly, I can't believe we're still debating the topic.  I mean, it's the 21st century).  I believe we deserve to make our own choices about our health and bodies.  I believe we deserve to be paid the same amount as men for the same job.  I believe we shouldn't be forced to pay more for products just because they're the color pink.  The list goes on and on.

I love being a wife.  Getting married was, seriously, the best decision I ever made.  I've heard every single negative thing about me getting married as young as I did.  However, it was what worked for our situation.  It's not right for everyone, I'd never encourage just anyone to get married before they're 20.  It was a decision that required lots of prayer, contemplation and scripture study.  When the time is right, you know it is right.  Timing is everything.  I know how cliche it sounds, but it is.  My own mother didn't get married until she was 39.  That was when the time was right for her.  The time was right for me at 19.

As much as I love being a wife, I am SO excited to be a mother.  I can't wait to have little JD and Megan combinations running around, making my house a mess, pulling my hair/earrings out and keeping me awake until all hours of the night.  Nothing makes me happier that I decided to share my life with JD then when I think about the children we will have together.

Now that you know my background, I'd like to disband a few "myths" about women who are feminists:
  • All feminists hate men. FALSE.  I love men.  I love my husband.  I don't believe every man is trying to oppress me or put me down. However, I do believe there are some out there who do oppress, abuse and take advantage of women.  It's a sad fact of our society.  I just happened to be lucky enough to have the self esteem and good sense to not associate with men of that breed.
  • Women who stay at home with their children are being oppressed by their husbands. FALSE.  My goal in life is to become a stay-at-home mother.  Feminism is about women choosing what they want to do.  If they want to pursue being a stay-at-home mother, great!  If they want to become a doctor, also cool!  
  • Women who wear make up, do their hair and dress nice are conforming to society's idea of beauty.  FALSE.  Fun fact: I'm obsessed with doing hair and make up.  I love getting ready in the morning.  Women don't have to do their hair and makeup to be beautiful.  However, that doesn't mean they shouldn't or can't.
  • Feminism is a bunch of women being whiny. FALSE.  Feminism is about women being able to pay the same amount of money for products/services as men, be paid the same amount of money for the same job as men, be treated with respect, being allowed to make their own health decisions, etc.  Women deserve to have a CHOICE and not be directed by the government or others just because they have a uterus.  
  • All feminists are democrats. FALSE.  I'm a  registered republican, although I label myself as more of an independent.  I think democrats are stupid.  I also think republicans are stupid.  I think they both have good points and also have terrible points.  However, I agree more with the republican party regarding economic issues and tend to sway to the democratic party for social issues. Essentially, I vote for whomever/whatever issue make the most logical, ethical and moral sense.
I'm a strange, republican woman that believes in the radical notion that women should be treated like people.  Also, here's my favorite observation ever on the new "Bic for Women" pens.  Seriously, have you seen this yet?  What are your thoughts?  Do I sound completely stupid or do I make any sense?



Monday, November 12, 2012

it never ends

Homework, Lawyer work, Housework....It never ends. 

And I am 200% positive I've already written about this.  However, I recently read this post on the lovely Annie's blog and felt inspired.  I remembered being in her young women's and ballet classes and relating so well to her.  If you don't follow her blog, you should.  Because it is lovely, her children are lovely, she is lovely, it's just a bundle of lovely.

I think I've mentioned before, I'm a legal secretary.  Work lately has been crazy busy.  Our office moved, we have another assistant that was recently hired, and things have been so busy with 2 trials this week.  It's stressful, difficult and basically totally overwhelming.

Homework...sucks...I hate general education classes.  Why can't I just get on to my arts/education/whatever else degree?

And, my house is basically a wreck.  It looks like a bomb went off...and I don't have the time, patience or energy to do anything about it.  I'm a naturally messy person.  I have never been good at organization for myself, I've never been good about cleaning.  I generally only clean when I absolutely have too.  I've been depressed, frustrated, anxious and all around difficult to live with lately (sorry, JD).  And I can't figure out how to accomplish everything.  I never feel like things are clean.  I never feel like I'm doing enough.  I never feel good about myself, my home or my work.  The only thing I have been feeling good about: my marriage.  Which is why I so frequently blog about our relationship.  Because it is the one thing I feel like I am succeeding at.

Annie talked about her recent struggle with this same issue and I felt inspired.  As of today, I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf.  I created for myself a home management binder, which is my new favorite thing.  At some point I will share with you how it was created.  I'm going to be better about making myself a priority.  And I'm going to be better about keeping myself, my home and my schooling in order.

We'll see how this works...

Friday, November 9, 2012

bundle o' sad

Every once in a while, it's a good thing when your spouse locks you in the bathroom and shouts from the other room "You either relax and take a bath with the new bath salts and body wash I bought you or you sit and sulk for 20 minutes.  Your choice."  I'm hard-headed, but he always knows how to get through to me.  

Today, I have basically just been a big bundle of sad and emotions.  Work was terrible, homework sucks, I have a cold.  The odds are not for me today.  When JD finally got home from work, he promptly held me, let me cry for a bit and made me some toast.  Toast, it's kind of my comfort food.  Then I got back to trying to do my homework.  After being incredibly frustrated with every attempt he finally intervened after watching me struggle because of how stressed I was.  He took my laptop off of my lap, pulled me to our bathroom and closed the door.  My favorite thing to do at the end of a bad day is to basically sit in the tub for an hour.  Silent, warm, alone, ahh...so perfect.  Then the previous exchange occurred.  It was perfect.  However, I still had basically the suckiest day in the history of ever.  So, I've gone to youtube to drown my sorrows away.  Enjoy a few of my favorite sad day videos.


They're not all Sophia Grace and Rosie videos.  Even though they are adorable...and I adore them...

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

images of an election

This was an election for the history books.  First ever African-American president to get two terms, third consecutive president to serve two terms, First Mormon candidate to get SO close to the presidency, First disabled, female, war veteran to serve in congress.  My grandchildren will be asking me about this election.  It was a whirlwind of emotions for every person involved.  Whether you are team Romney or team Obama, it was a wonderful evening.  And, I mean that completely seriously.  It was amazing to watch how passionate Americans can be over an election, even once it is decided and over.  I cannot even express to you just how many hateful, wretched, awful things I read last night about Barack Obama, about Mitt Romney, about the entire election, on a trivial social media site.  And it just made me sad.  Passion is good, but hate-filled rantings on a silly social medial website make you ALL look stupid.  In my humble opinion, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are amazing men.  They are two of the most outstanding men in our nation, which is why they were candidates for such a prestigious title.  The election is over, Barack Obama will continue to serve as President of the United States.  And I'm happy.

I am looking forward to see how he decides to shape our nation.  I am also looking forward to see if Governor Romney will run for President once again in 2016.  I believe Governor Romney had some great ideas to shape our country's economy that many American's agreed with.  However, President Obama I believe is more in tune with the majority of the nation's views on social issues.  Either way you slice it, the man who needs to be in the President's seat now is.  Regardless of who you wanted, the man that needed to win did.  Personally, I believe God is watching over this country.  God will direct the leaders of the USA.  God has a plan for this great place we live and it will be His will, not ours, that will be done.  He knows all and he planned for Barack Obama to be this nation's 44th President.  Perhaps the 45th will be Mitt Romney. 

Here are a few of my favorite images from the election season this year

 Does anyone else love how every picture of them in this debate makes them look like they're singing a cute duet?  Or they're pointing at each other saying in a very girly voice "Oh, you!"


I love this.  He just has such a look of pride and love for his wife.


Ah!  SO much love!  Seriously, whoever you voted for, I love both of the pictures above.  It is obvious these two men love their wives and put them above all else.  It just makes me so happy.

 The entire Romney Clan

The Obama Family at the Victory Rally

 I love a politician with babies.  He's carrying TWO of them!  In the cutest tutus I have ever seen!

Seriously, look at his face.  And look at the baby's face.  This is just adorable on all levels.

 My newest hero, Congresswoman Tammy Duckworth.  Such an inspiration.  Read some more about her story here.

Friday, November 2, 2012

21 before 21

My birthday this year led me to observe what I'd done since my 19th birthday.  I completed my first year of college, I transferred colleges, I got engaged, I went through the temple, I got married, I moved twice, through two states.  It's been insane.  And I've loved every second of it.  However, I really didn't have any major goals for the year.  I just was doing what I wanted when I wanted to.  Lately, JD and I have been talking about our "bucket list."  What we want to do together before we bite the dust when we're 120 years old.  (yes...we have it planned out when we're going to die.  life now only needs to bend to our will)  I decided I wanted my own little bucket list.  21 things to do before I'm 21.  Do you have goals you want to make?  Join me on my experiment!  I'll keep the blog updated with my progress.

1. Go on a vacation out of state
2. Have consistent date night with the hubs (we, honestly, have been on very few honest to goodness "dates".  We're not very formal people.)
3. Complete my second year of college
4. Learn to bake and decorate (at least half as good as my sister) one awesome cake.  (Have you seen Coley's Cups and Cakes?  They're AMAZING.  And she just happens to be my sister.  I hope my children get some of her creativity genes, because she's awesome.)
5. Buy a bed spread (This one sounds weird, but JD and I are both blanket hogs, and we just never sleep with the same blanket.  We each have our own.  And we don't have a specific bed set, it's just whatever quilts we both feel like and our black sheets and mismatched pillow cases.  As I said before, we're not formal people.) 
6. Lose 30 pounds. (I absolutely know I can lose at least this much in a year.  And if I happen to lose more....YAY!) 
7. Get an elliptical.  (I love working out on an elliptical.  They're amazing.  And they're really not too expensive.  So, it's something I'd like to save up for.)
8. Own the entire Star Wars series on DVD or Blu Ray if we ever buy a blu ray player.
9. Move the Xbox out of our bedroom(...yes...I caved and let my husband bring his Xbox into our room...And now I think it needs to go back into the living room...This one will be done very carefully)
10. Sew myself a skirt or dress.
11. Decorate for all of the major holidays (Valentines, Christmas, Easter, St. Patty's Day, 4th of July, Fall in general)
12. Spend less time on pinterest (Yeah, I'm an addict...it's true)
13. Build a snowman
14. Have a snowball fight
15.Have a weekend getaway with the hubs
16. Make someone feel special
17. Dye my hair different then it's current color
18. Get closer to our goal of having a baby
19. Write a missionary once a month (I suck at this...even when the hubs was out and we were writing, he wrote me WAY more than I wrote him...also, any of my cousins can tell you I suck at writing them as well)
20. Go to Disneyland
21. Buy a ruffly apron (I know, it's anti climatic for the last one on the list.  But I am OBSESSED with aprons...I love them...and I've been envious for a ruffly one forever!)

A few highlights from this year:


Me, Cee and Teish Ushering and Tuachan.  Such a blast.



Moved my room in with this lovely lady and became her caregiver.  Miss her so much!

Got Engaged to my best friend.

 Saw the Hunger Games at midnight, out of state with these lovely people.  And I made our shirts.  Which were also awesome. 

 Moved to another state and got our home ready.

And, probably most importantly, I got married.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

why i'm starting 12 step

It's not a surprise...I am not, have never been, nor will ever be a size 2.  I am constantly displeased when I look in the mirror.  It is frustrating to understand that my weight has never been something I've felt totally in control of. 

I've been praying and praying for guidance.  I've had the loving support of my husband.  And, I've decided to begin the 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program through the LDS church.  I believe some of you are probably thinking "Wow...what a whiner...starting the 12 step just to stop eating?"  But it's not just that.  It's about learning to love myself.  It's about overcoming my emotional eating habits and learning to channel my emotions into something constructive. 

Partly why I know my weight is something so difficult for me is because I have SO many food allergies.  It makes it incredibly difficult to actually eat according to all of them.  And it makes food much more expensive, labor intensive, and frustrating.  Because of this, I know my body doesn't respond well to food and has a hard time processing it. 

I've been an emotional eater since high school.  When I'm upset, frustrated, scared, stressed...food is my comfort.  I've never been thin, even at my thinnest I still had meat on my bones.  My weight has fluctuated by (literally) 100 pounds for the last 9 years.  And I'm now at a point where this body isn't just about me.  In a year or two, I want to be pregnant.  I want to become a mother.  And I want my body to be a place where my child can grow, where my child can be nourished well.  In order to take care of my husband and future children, I have to care for myself. 

So that's why I'm starting the Addiction Recovery Program.  To learn to love myself.  To learn to stop abusing myself.  To learn how to deal with my depression.  To learn how to be a better me.  Basically, I'm working on Project: Megan for a while.  And I think I need that. 

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

married without children

So, I've learned something happens when someone who got married around the same time as you...gets pregnant.

My awesome cousin, Jenni Winn (now) Hansen, is preggo!  She's having a little, cute baby and I'm so thrilled for her!

She got married to her sweet man, Josh, 1 1/2 months before I married JD.  We were planning our weddings at the same time and both had them in Northern Utah.  Hers was in Manti and mine was in Salt Lake City.

Then I found out she's pregnant.  And, I suddenly got super,....jealous.

And I felt this feeling to be incredibly strange.  I was so happy for her.  And the other three cousins between JD and I that we have that are expecting beautiful babies.  And I hadn't gotten really baby "jealous" after those couples got pregnant.  But the difference was, they were older.  They'd been married for years.  Jenni and I both just got married.  Jenni and I are both the exact same age.   And now she and Josh are already beginning their family.

JD and I both have prayed and agreed that now is not the time.  We want to have our own space, i.e. not living with my parents.  We want JD to have a steady job, i.e. not be looking for a job.  We want to have at least a bit more of my education finished, i.e. at least my Associates Degree done.

Still, I just felt this pulling at my heart.  To have a little baby that was mine in my arms.  To shop for cute baby clothes.  To have late nights caring for my child.  To kiss scraped knees.  To sing them to sleep.  To just have a little tiny someone to be my own. 

Then, I realized, that's just not me and JD's story right now.  We're still trying to figure ourselves out in our marriage.  We're still trying to establish some kind of income for our family.  We're still trying to get the basics mastered.  Once we figure things out further, you can bet we'll start planning for little Megans and JDs to be running around.  Watch out, world!

For now we'll just keep preparing ourselves for that great blessing. And I'll just keep pinning cutesy tootsey baby things in Pinterest. 


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

my blessing

Our First "official" Valentine's Day
February 2011


My husband is probably one of the greatest blessings of my life as of lately.  Especially this morning when I lost my wedding ring.

Seriously, it was tragic.  Here's the story: Last night, we had a ward party at a pool.  I got in the water with my niece and swam with her.  I didn't want to lose my ring in the pool, so I put my rings in my purse.  This morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I couldn't find them. 

I. Freaked. OUT.

I ran into our bedroom screaming and crying for JD to get up and help me look.  Mind you, he was still sleeping.  He remanied very calm and went through my purse while I was still in hysterics.  He then sat me down, held my hands and said a wonderfully sweet prayer.  Thanking Heavenly Father for me and asking for help to find the symbol of our great love for one another.  After the prayer, I felt a little more peaceful.  However, I was still just trying to pull myself together.  So, my husband went outside to my truck.  And, somehow, he found it.

You may or may not know this, but I have a tendency to "panic" pretty easily.  It's something I try to deal with, but sometimes I just can't help myself.  But my husband knows just want to do and what to say to keep me calm.  He never panics, he never gets upset with me when I get anxious or worked up.  He's truly my blessing in my life.  When I get worried or upset or scared, he always comforts me.  I'm truly a lucky woman to have him in my life.

The end.  Also, I probably need to finish my filing before blogging at work...bleh, oh well.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

someday

Someday I'll update and blog with more pictures.

Someday I'll get a new camera that actually works so said pictures aren't craptastic cell phone pictures.

Someday I'll have my home's construction finished.

Someday I'll pick a paint color for our bedroom that we both like.

Someday my husband will have a job that he absolutely loves.

Someday I'll fold our laundry and put it away.

Someday we'll finish unpacking.

Someday I'll take a lesson from my husband and get good at organizing.

Someday I'll have my degrees and won't need to stress about classes.

Someday is not today...