Tuesday, February 24, 2015

the f word

I distinctly remember my bridal shower like it was yesterday.  Roughly three years ago my maid of honor threw me a super fun bridal shower in our little apartment in southern Utah.  Surrounded by lots of close friends, some future in laws and my mom I opened gorgeous lingerie while blushing, ate yummy food and loved watching the girls try to make wedding dresses with toilet paper.  It was seriously wonderful.

 (Roommates at my Bridal Shower.  We were SO YOUNG!
 Fun fact: now 4/5 of us are married. Circa April 2012)

One of the activities the girls did was write anonymously on these little cards that we marked "marriage advice."  I was one of the first of my friends to get married, so most of the advice was comical coming from lots of single college girls.  I still have all of those silly cards that the girls wrote their advice for how I would deal with my upcoming nuptials. A week or so ago as I was going through some old papers I came across these advice cards again.  Nearly three years later, it was still just as funny to read all of the "newlywed advice" the girls had given me.  Then I came across one that struck me...

"Your happiness is more important than a fight."

And I thought a lot about it during that day.  I mean, JD and do not agree all the time.  Was I single handedly ruining our relationship because I am not at all submissive (if you know me at all, you know I've got a pretty strong personality...for better or worse)?  Would I be better off just letting JD run all over the countryside buying every piece of Nintendo memorabilia he wanted?  I mean, my marriage sure feels pretty happy...am I doing something wrong?  So, allow me to go through some myths about fighting in marriage and why I think you should let conflict happen.

MYTH: Don't go to bed angry
FACT: This is one I sometimes agree with and sometimes don't.  Mostly just because,when you're tired the fight always just continues to get worse.  Sometimes, you just have to go to sleep and deal with it in the morning.  If you're in the middle of a knock out, drag out type of argument, it is probably best to get it finished before going to bed.  However, if you're just going in circles because you're so exhausted, you may just want to give a time-out until the morning.

MYTH: Happy Couples Don't Fight
FACT: JD and I are a happy couple.  And we do fight.  We allow conflict into our marriage on a small scale as a way to express our frustrations.  When I get passive aggressive (which, let's be honest, happens a lot) I create a way bigger conflict that necessary.  If we express our problems frequently, we're less likely to have huge fights. 

MYTH:Conflict means there is a lack of love in your marriage
FACT: The best things in life are worth fighting for.  If you marriage is your top priority, you should be doing everything possible to fight to make it the best.  That means airing your grievances with your spouse so you both know what you need to be doing to make your marriage fulfilling for both of you.

 (There are a few articles that I've been reading and loving on this subject, here, here, here and here.)

So yeah, we fight.  But we're still pretty dang happy, and that's what really matters.




Us, Circa November 2014

Friday, February 13, 2015

because we paid our tithing

It was always a running joke in our household growing up that when we were doing everything right, things always seemed to be much harder.  When we were doing all of the things the Lord asked of us, it felt as though Satan's influence was working so hard on our family.  As I've been married and started my own family, those same principles seem to ring true still.  For example, our car broke down this week because we paid our tithing.

On Tuesday last week, I was working all night long.  In my field of work, I have to be on call every other week.  My first call came in at midnight, got it finished around 2:00 AM.  Then my second call came in at 2:15 AM, got it wrapped up around 6:00 AM.  Then is was time to get ready for work.  I came in and worked most of the morning, then got really tired that afternoon and went home early to get a nap in.  I had to get JD from his office, so I headed back over to West Valley City to get JD.  On the way over there, the car felt really weird and the check engine light came on.  I felt it was probably nothing and pushed it out of my mind.  JD then started the car to head home and the lights came on again.  We decided to go home and get out the warranty paperwork for the car and head to the dealership to see what the issue was.

When we arrived home, we gathered all of the paperwork and realized the warranty was only good for 12,000 miles.  We instantly panicked thinking we were out of warranty as we've had this car for about 9 months.  Turns out, we were within 100 miles of our warranty limit because we paid our tithing. 

After realizing we would still be able to get some work done, JD wanted to get the car over to the dealership right away.  But, our car wouldn't start.  By some miracle, one of our home teachers was home from work early and jump started the car for us because we paid our tithing.

JD got the car to the dealership and found that our alternator was shot, the battery was completely drained and our left front axle had to be replaced.  Honestly, the mechanic had not idea how we got the car there.  He said this car shouldn't have been able to be jump started.  But it did, because we paid our tithing.

The work was going to be over $2,500 to fix without the warranty (I about went into cardiac arrest and was fully prepared to just buy another car).  However, we were still (just barely) within warranty, so that amount was cut by over 75% of what we would have had to pay for the repairs because we paid our tithing.

Basically, life sucked last week because we paid our tithing.  But we were also granted so many blessings and saw infinite amounts of love by those around us and the love God has for us because we paid our tithing.

To those who faithfully and honestly live the law of tithing, the Lord promises an abundance of blessings. Some of these blessings are temporal, just as tithes are temporal. But like the outward physical ordinances of baptism and the sacrament, the commandment to pay tithing requires temporal sacrifice, which ultimately yields great spiritual blessings. - Elder Robert D. Hales


Thursday, January 15, 2015

thoughts


I'll spare you the stereotypical "OMG IT HAS BEEN SO LONG, SORRY" blogger apology.  Because let's be real, when you aplogize for something you mean you'll never do it again.

The blog has been quiet mostly because I enjoy living my life more than I enjoy writing about it.  Honesty is the best policy, right?  But here's some thoughts on life lately for your reading pleasure:
  • I will never understand the hate surrounding non-creative desk jobs.  They're necessary, they're great and there are actually some of us who really enjoy working in an office.
  • I got the husband a red, plaid, flannel shirt for Christmas.  Newsflash: He loves it.  Second Newsflash: He doesn't love it when I call him a lumberjack while wearing said shirt.
  • I went to the doctor for the first time in forever and actually had a lovely experience (except for the part when 3 different nurses couldn't find a vein for drawing blood....so I have several bruises)
  • Do you ever notice that sometimes your surroundings become a reflection of what is really happening in your brain?  Because right now my house is a hot mess and that should tell you something about my mind state this week.
  • Some people just won't be helped and that's okay.  
  • Being happy is a choice.  And I'm choosing it everyday that I can

Thursday, November 13, 2014

New Location: DUAL BLOGGING!

  Hey ya'll....

So, as you can tell this little blog has been neglected and there is a big reason why....

The hubs and I decided to start a new creative project...together.  So, to hear more from me and the hubs crazy adventures, be sure to check us out here.

belchering.blogspot.com

Sunday, September 14, 2014

pregnancy paranoia

Basically every single day I may or may not be pregnant.

After 2+ years of marriage I have sort of finally come to terms with that possibility.  For basically the entire first year of my marriage, if I was even 10 minutes late for my period I was doing a pregnancy test.  It sounds hyperbolic, but I'm not even joking.  I was constantly thinking "I know I'm on birth control, but what if I'm pregnant?!?!?!"  We were living in my parent's basement, we both had really low paying jobs, I was on my parent's really sucky insurance, we didn't have savings or retirement accounts set up, and everything else that makes you think "Hmm...maybe a baby is a bad idea right now."

Now I'm getting established in my career, JD has steady employment, we're getting ready to get back to school, we're in our own space.  But for the longest time I was still basically in a constant state of panic regarding the occupancy of my womb.  I mean, yeah we have a fairly good established life and we are very blessed to have the lifestyle we live.  But we're not done with school, we don't own a house, we don't have tons of savings (thought we do have some) and it just still seemed problematic to start a family.

However, about seven months ago I finally got to point where I sort of just felt "meh" about my pregnancy status.  No, we're not actively trying and no, it's not in our plan right now.  But if I was pregnant "whatever" we'd deal with it and be happy.  We had the resources and family around us to make whatever we needed to work.

Then we thought I was having a miscarriage on a baby that we didn't even know we had.  One Sunday afternoon I was just in horrendous pain.  We were still living in Wyoming with my parents and we were getting ready for church.  I figured it was something I ate and went to church.  All through relief society I was in such pain, then other symptoms started setting in.  JD and I left church early and I laid in bed for awhile.  JD gave me a blessing and tended to my every need.  Eventually I started thinking, "Am I having a miscarriage?"  I said something to JD about that possibility and he suggested we go to the ER just to check everything out.  Fortunately, I was not having a miscarriage my hormones were just freaking out for whatever reason.  The doctor at the ER got me on a medication to sort of "reset" my hormones and everything was fine.  But the emotions we experienced going through that process were incredible.  Even though we lost what wasn't even there.
My heart goes out to so many women, including several of my dear friends and angel mother, who have experienced the grief and anguish that goes along with miscarriage and stillbirth.  I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions that go along with such a personal, difficult experience.  Please say a prayer for the women who have had to/are currently going through such a difficult trial.

So, now whatever will be will be.  When the time is right, whether we like it or not, we'll be ready.  P.S. I'm not pregnant (at least that I know of) so don't get any ideas.

For now, we'll just continue to play with our cute family member's babies and day dream about how darling our little ones will be.

Me with Lucy and JD with Sam
Circa June 2014

Thursday, September 11, 2014

thousands of words

Summer has come and gone and we had a blast all summer long with family and friends.  Rather than try to write about it all, here's a photo run down.  If Summer was this eventful, I can't wait to see what adventures will await us in fall.











Tuesday, July 15, 2014

content : one little word update

After moving and getting a new job and the fun and craziness that come with that, I've been thinking a lot about my "one little word" for the year of 2014.  You may remember this post from January, my word for the year was "content".  However, through the changes we have made in our lives this year my definition of content has drastically changed.

At that point in my life (January 2014) I was in a serious funk.  My husband was starting to notice it as well and trying to figure out how to best help me with it. I just wasn't happy, and feelings of that unhappiness started in 2013.  So, I got a new job.  I was happy for a short time but it just wasn't lasting...The feelings of unhappiness just kept rolling in and I didn't know what to do.  I was frustrated and felt stuck.  I thought maybe I was wanting to have a baby, maybe I wanted to just quit my job and be at home, maybe I wanted to just run away from all responsibilities and join a hippie commune in the forest.

Obviously, none of those proposed "ideas" were the answer to my problem.  I prayed day in and day out to learn to be "happy in my circumstances" and "content where I was."  I felt so guilty because I was trying to hard to just force myself to be happy in an environment where I just...wasn't.

One particularly difficult day in January, JD toyed with the idea of moving.  He knew of some openings with his company in Salt Lake, thought maybe I may be interested.  I brushed off the idea at that point and said that moving was just totally not within the realm of possibility.  However, that little seedingly of thought kept creeping back into the forefront of my mind.  What if we moved?  What if I started a different job?  How would I find a job?  Where would we live?  Would I even like living in a city?  I've never lived in a real city!  How would we do it? 

In about February we continued to pray about whether or not a move was the best things for us to do.  In the middle of February it was just glaringly obvious that our time in Kemmerer needed to end.  So, we made the decision to quietly being planning our move to SLC. JD started putting in his paperwork for a transfer into SLC, which we figured would be ready around June.  So, I started applying to a few jobs thinking within a few months something would probably pop up.

Two days after applying for a trucking company based in Salt Lake City, they wanted me to come down for an interview the next morning.  The interviewer and I really hit it off, I didn't even think there way any way I had the job when I left because I have never felt so relaxed after a job interview.  I went to the hair salon after the interview to gush over our moving plans and get pampered to relax after such a stressful endeavor.  While my color was processing, I got a call from my interviewer wanting to know what starting salary would be acceptable to me because they were offering me the position.  They wanted me to start in 1 week.

So, the move went much quicker than planned.  Miraculously, JD was able to transfer down the week after I was down here full time.  My aunt was kind enough to let us stay in her spare room until our apartment was ready.  We still have a ton of crap I should really throw away boxes of our stuff in my parent's basement.  We basically packed up an air mattress and some essentials and jumped in the car headed for Utah.

A little more about being content: I've slowly come to realize, being content in your life DOES NOT mean making yourself unhappy.  Yes, being content can lend itself to mean being happy regardless of what is happening in your life.  However, contentedness should not be an explanation for disliking your life.  If there are legitimate changes you can make in your life to make yourself more happy, do it.  Don't ever put off your happiness for the convenience of others.

So, there are some of my little thoughts regarding being content.  Someday I'm gonna revamp this blog design again, but for now I'll just go crawl into bed and wake up tomorrow another day as a cubicle worker.

And I'll be happy about every second of it.