Homework, Lawyer work, Housework....It never ends.
And I am 200% positive I've already written about this. However, I recently read this post on the lovely Annie's blog and felt inspired. I remembered being in her young women's and ballet classes and relating so well to her. If you don't follow her blog, you should. Because it is lovely, her children are lovely, she is lovely, it's just a bundle of lovely.
I think I've mentioned before, I'm a legal secretary. Work lately has been crazy busy. Our office moved, we have another assistant that was recently hired, and things have been so busy with 2 trials this week. It's stressful, difficult and basically totally overwhelming.
Homework...sucks...I hate general education classes. Why can't I just get on to my arts/education/whatever else degree?
And, my house is basically a wreck. It looks like a bomb went off...and I don't have the time, patience or energy to do anything about it. I'm a naturally messy person. I have never been good at organization for myself, I've never been good about cleaning. I generally only clean when I absolutely have too. I've been depressed, frustrated, anxious and all around difficult to live with lately (sorry, JD). And I can't figure out how to accomplish everything. I never feel like things are clean. I never feel like I'm doing enough. I never feel good about myself, my home or my work. The only thing I have been feeling good about: my marriage. Which is why I so frequently blog about our relationship. Because it is the one thing I feel like I am succeeding at.
Annie talked about her recent struggle with this same issue and I felt inspired. As of today, I'm attempting to turn over a new leaf. I created for myself a home management binder, which is my new favorite thing. At some point I will share with you how it was created. I'm going to be better about making myself a priority. And I'm going to be better about keeping myself, my home and my schooling in order.
We'll see how this works...
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Monday, November 12, 2012
Friday, November 9, 2012
bundle o' sad
Every once in a while, it's a good thing when your spouse locks you in the bathroom and shouts from the other room "You either relax and take a bath with the new bath salts and body wash I bought you or you sit and sulk for 20 minutes. Your choice." I'm hard-headed, but he always knows how to get through to me.
Today, I have basically just been a big bundle of sad and emotions. Work was terrible, homework sucks, I have a cold. The odds are not for me today. When JD finally got home from work, he promptly held me, let me cry for a bit and made me some toast. Toast, it's kind of my comfort food. Then I got back to trying to do my homework. After being incredibly frustrated with every attempt he finally intervened after watching me struggle because of how stressed I was. He took my laptop off of my lap, pulled me to our bathroom and closed the door. My favorite thing to do at the end of a bad day is to basically sit in the tub for an hour. Silent, warm, alone, ahh...so perfect. Then the previous exchange occurred. It was perfect. However, I still had basically the suckiest day in the history of ever. So, I've gone to youtube to drown my sorrows away. Enjoy a few of my favorite sad day videos.
They're not all Sophia Grace and Rosie videos. Even though they are adorable...and I adore them...
Today, I have basically just been a big bundle of sad and emotions. Work was terrible, homework sucks, I have a cold. The odds are not for me today. When JD finally got home from work, he promptly held me, let me cry for a bit and made me some toast. Toast, it's kind of my comfort food. Then I got back to trying to do my homework. After being incredibly frustrated with every attempt he finally intervened after watching me struggle because of how stressed I was. He took my laptop off of my lap, pulled me to our bathroom and closed the door. My favorite thing to do at the end of a bad day is to basically sit in the tub for an hour. Silent, warm, alone, ahh...so perfect. Then the previous exchange occurred. It was perfect. However, I still had basically the suckiest day in the history of ever. So, I've gone to youtube to drown my sorrows away. Enjoy a few of my favorite sad day videos.
They're not all Sophia Grace and Rosie videos. Even though they are adorable...and I adore them...
Saturday, September 29, 2012
why i'm starting 12 step
It's not a surprise...I am not, have never been, nor will ever be a size 2. I am constantly displeased when I look in the mirror. It is frustrating to understand that my weight has never been something I've felt totally in control of.
I've been praying and praying for guidance. I've had the loving support of my husband. And, I've decided to begin the 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program through the LDS church. I believe some of you are probably thinking "Wow...what a whiner...starting the 12 step just to stop eating?" But it's not just that. It's about learning to love myself. It's about overcoming my emotional eating habits and learning to channel my emotions into something constructive.
Partly why I know my weight is something so difficult for me is because I have SO many food allergies. It makes it incredibly difficult to actually eat according to all of them. And it makes food much more expensive, labor intensive, and frustrating. Because of this, I know my body doesn't respond well to food and has a hard time processing it.
I've been an emotional eater since high school. When I'm upset, frustrated, scared, stressed...food is my comfort. I've never been thin, even at my thinnest I still had meat on my bones. My weight has fluctuated by (literally) 100 pounds for the last 9 years. And I'm now at a point where this body isn't just about me. In a year or two, I want to be pregnant. I want to become a mother. And I want my body to be a place where my child can grow, where my child can be nourished well. In order to take care of my husband and future children, I have to care for myself.
So that's why I'm starting the Addiction Recovery Program. To learn to love myself. To learn to stop abusing myself. To learn how to deal with my depression. To learn how to be a better me. Basically, I'm working on Project: Megan for a while. And I think I need that.
I've been praying and praying for guidance. I've had the loving support of my husband. And, I've decided to begin the 12 Step Addiction Recovery Program through the LDS church. I believe some of you are probably thinking "Wow...what a whiner...starting the 12 step just to stop eating?" But it's not just that. It's about learning to love myself. It's about overcoming my emotional eating habits and learning to channel my emotions into something constructive.
Partly why I know my weight is something so difficult for me is because I have SO many food allergies. It makes it incredibly difficult to actually eat according to all of them. And it makes food much more expensive, labor intensive, and frustrating. Because of this, I know my body doesn't respond well to food and has a hard time processing it.
I've been an emotional eater since high school. When I'm upset, frustrated, scared, stressed...food is my comfort. I've never been thin, even at my thinnest I still had meat on my bones. My weight has fluctuated by (literally) 100 pounds for the last 9 years. And I'm now at a point where this body isn't just about me. In a year or two, I want to be pregnant. I want to become a mother. And I want my body to be a place where my child can grow, where my child can be nourished well. In order to take care of my husband and future children, I have to care for myself.
So that's why I'm starting the Addiction Recovery Program. To learn to love myself. To learn to stop abusing myself. To learn how to deal with my depression. To learn how to be a better me. Basically, I'm working on Project: Megan for a while. And I think I need that.
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