Me: AHHHHHHHHHH! YOU'RE ENGAGED! AHHHHHHHHH!
Emma: You scream...a lot...too much screaming...
Mom: Your pants are looking too big.
Me: Oh, good. Normally they're too small.
Mom: Yay! You're losing weight! When I lose weight I get your old clothes!
Doctor: So, you've been throwing up? Are you pregnant?
Me: I had an ultrasound, you'd know better than I would.
(Also, I'm not preggo my eggo. Just to clarify that to the world)
Mom: MEGAN! YOUR TOP RAMEN IS ON FIRE!
Me: OH MY GOSH! LET ME GET A CUP OF WATER!
Mom: NO! THAT MAKES IT WORSE. HERE'S FLOUR, I'LL THROW THAT ON IT. (fire alarm begins buzzing through the whole house)
Me: DOESN'T SALT WORK?
Mom: JUST LET ME TRY THIS (throws flour on, fire flames up even more)
Both: AH! JD!!!! GET UP HERE NOW!!!!!!
JD: It can't be that bad.
Me: Okay, well when you bleed from your privates for a week every month you can tell me how it's not that bad.