thoughts

I'll spare you the stereotypical "OMG IT HAS BEEN SO LONG, SORRY" blogger apology.  Because let's be real, when you aplogize for something you mean you'll never do it again.

The blog has been quiet mostly because I enjoy living my life more than I enjoy writing about it.  Honesty is the best policy, right?  But here's some thoughts on life lately for your reading pleasure:

• I will never understand the hate surrounding non-creative desk jobs.  They're necessary, they're great and there are actually some of us who really enjoy working in an office.
• I got the husband a red, plaid, flannel shirt for Christmas.  Newsflash: He loves it.  Second Newsflash: He doesn't love it when I call him a lumberjack while wearing said shirt.
• I went to the doctor for the first time in forever and actually had a lovely experience (except for the part when 3 different nurses couldn't find a vein for drawing blood....so I have several bruises)
• Do you ever notice that sometimes your surroundings become a reflection of what is really happening in your brain?  Because right now my house is a hot mess and that should tell you something about my mind state this week.
• Some people just won't be helped and that's okay.  
• Being happy is a choice.  And I'm choosing it everyday that I can

 (via)

New Location: DUAL BLOGGING!

  Hey ya'll....

So, as you can tell this little blog has been neglected and there is a big reason why....

The hubs and I decided to start a new creative project...together.  So, to hear more from me and the hubs crazy adventures, be sure to check us out here.

belchering.blogspot.com

pregnancy paranoia

Basically every single day I may or may not be pregnant.

After 2+ years of marriage I have sort of finally come to terms with that possibility.  For basically the entire first year of my marriage, if I was even 10 minutes late for my period I was doing a pregnancy test.  It sounds hyperbolic, but I'm not even joking.  I was constantly thinking "I know I'm on birth control, but what if I'm pregnant?!?!?!"  We were living in my parent's basement, we both had really low paying jobs, I was on my parent's really sucky insurance, we didn't have savings or retirement accounts set up, and everything else that makes you think "Hmm...maybe a baby is a bad idea right now."

Now I'm getting established in my career, JD has steady employment, we're getting ready to get back to school, we're in our own space.  But for the longest time I was still basically in a constant state of panic regarding the occupancy of my womb.  I mean, yeah we have a fairly good established life and we are very blessed to have the lifestyle we live.  But we're not done with school, we don't own a house, we don't have tons of savings (thought we do have some) and it just still seemed problematic to start a family.

However, about seven months ago I finally got to point where I sort of just felt "meh" about my pregnancy status.  No, we're not actively trying and no, it's not in our plan right now.  But if I was pregnant "whatever" we'd deal with it and be happy.  We had the resources and family around us to make whatever we needed to work.

Then we thought I was having a miscarriage on a baby that we didn't even know we had.  One Sunday afternoon I was just in horrendous pain.  We were still living in Wyoming with my parents and we were getting ready for church.  I figured it was something I ate and went to church.  All through relief society I was in such pain, then other symptoms started setting in.  JD and I left church early and I laid in bed for awhile.  JD gave me a blessing and tended to my every need.  Eventually I started thinking, "Am I having a miscarriage?"  I said something to JD about that possibility and he suggested we go to the ER just to check everything out.  Fortunately, I was not having a miscarriage my hormones were just freaking out for whatever reason.  The doctor at the ER got me on a medication to sort of "reset" my hormones and everything was fine.  But the emotions we experienced going through that process were incredible.  Even though we lost what wasn't even there.
My heart goes out to so many women, including several of my dear friends and angel mother, who have experienced the grief and anguish that goes along with miscarriage and stillbirth.  I cannot even begin to imagine the emotions that go along with such a personal, difficult experience.  Please say a prayer for the women who have had to/are currently going through such a difficult trial.

So, now whatever will be will be.  When the time is right, whether we like it or not, we'll be ready.  P.S. I'm not pregnant (at least that I know of) so don't get any ideas.

For now, we'll just continue to play with our cute family member's babies and day dream about how darling our little ones will be.

Me with Lucy and JD with Sam

Circa June 2014

thousands of words

Summer has come and gone and we had a blast all summer long with family and friends.  Rather than try to write about it all, here's a photo run down.  If Summer was this eventful, I can't wait to see what adventures will await us in fall.

content : one little word update

After moving and getting a new job and the fun and craziness that come with that, I've been thinking a lot about my "one little word" for the year of 2014.  You may remember this post from January, my word for the year was "content".  However, through the changes we have made in our lives this year my definition of content has drastically changed.

At that point in my life (January 2014) I was in a serious funk.  My husband was starting to notice it as well and trying to figure out how to best help me with it. I just wasn't happy, and feelings of that unhappiness started in 2013.  So, I got a new job.  I was happy for a short time but it just wasn't lasting...The feelings of unhappiness just kept rolling in and I didn't know what to do.  I was frustrated and felt stuck.  I thought maybe I was wanting to have a baby, maybe I wanted to just quit my job and be at home, maybe I wanted to just run away from all responsibilities and join a hippie commune in the forest.

Obviously, none of those proposed "ideas" were the answer to my problem.  I prayed day in and day out to learn to be "happy in my circumstances" and "content where I was."  I felt so guilty because I was trying to hard to just force myself to be happy in an environment where I just...wasn't.

One particularly difficult day in January, JD toyed with the idea of moving.  He knew of some openings with his company in Salt Lake, thought maybe I may be interested.  I brushed off the idea at that point and said that moving was just totally not within the realm of possibility.  However, that little seedingly of thought kept creeping back into the forefront of my mind.  What if we moved?  What if I started a different job?  How would I find a job?  Where would we live?  Would I even like living in a city?  I've never lived in a real city!  How would we do it? 

In about February we continued to pray about whether or not a move was the best things for us to do.  In the middle of February it was just glaringly obvious that our time in Kemmerer needed to end.  So, we made the decision to quietly being planning our move to SLC. JD started putting in his paperwork for a transfer into SLC, which we figured would be ready around June.  So, I started applying to a few jobs thinking within a few months something would probably pop up.

Two days after applying for a trucking company based in Salt Lake City, they wanted me to come down for an interview the next morning.  The interviewer and I really hit it off, I didn't even think there way any way I had the job when I left because I have never felt so relaxed after a job interview.  I went to the hair salon after the interview to gush over our moving plans and get pampered to relax after such a stressful endeavor.  While my color was processing, I got a call from my interviewer wanting to know what starting salary would be acceptable to me because they were offering me the position.  They wanted me to start in 1 week.

So, the move went much quicker than planned.  Miraculously, JD was able to transfer down the week after I was down here full time.  My aunt was kind enough to let us stay in her spare room until our apartment was ready.  We still have a ton of crap I should really throw away boxes of our stuff in my parent's basement.  We basically packed up an air mattress and some essentials and jumped in the car headed for Utah.

A little more about being content: I've slowly come to realize, being content in your life DOES NOT mean making yourself unhappy.  Yes, being content can lend itself to mean being happy regardless of what is happening in your life.  However, contentedness should not be an explanation for disliking your life.  If there are legitimate changes you can make in your life to make yourself more happy, do it.  Don't ever put off your happiness for the convenience of others.

So, there are some of my little thoughts regarding being content.  Someday I'm gonna revamp this blog design again, but for now I'll just go crawl into bed and wake up tomorrow another day as a cubicle worker.

And I'll be happy about every second of it.

it gets better: marriage edition

On June 20th, we attended a lovely reception for JD's cousin who recently got hitched.  Dani, the bride, looked radiant and lovely.  Brett, the groom was clearly so filled with love.  Both them and their families were blissful and joyful, so happy to see the start of a brand new family unit.  It was a beautiful evening with lovely flowers, cake and loved ones.  It also turned out to be a lovely reminder, considering our wedding anniversary would be the next day, of how happy I am....to not be newlyweds anymore.

Yes, the blissful newlywed stage seems to be great to the outsider looking in.  They're happy to be alive, happy to be united with the one you love for eternity, also you're riding the high of having an entire party devoted just to you and your love.  The bride and groom look so joyful you just must imagine they never speak ill to each other, constantly serenading each other with their loving words.  Perfection, is the one word that most use to describe those in such a blissful stage.

I vividly remember sitting in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple, clinging to my soon-to-be hubby's hand with tears in my eyes thinking "I will never love him as much as I love him right now."  Which, to be honest was a bunch of bologna.  Because I can tell you with absolute certainty that I love my cute hubby SO MUCH MORE than I ever did on our wedding day.

Sure, there are things that get worse.  Household chores get bothersome, sometimes arguments ensue over nothing in particular, sometimes you just feel the need to get your frustrations out and your spouse is the only one there.  It can be really difficult, I'd never in my life say that spending your eternity with another imperfect person and trying to figure out how to make your imperfections work together is an easy task. 


Each day that we argue over what game to play, each day that we support each other in making big decisions, each day we frustratedly give up on a Coca-Cola puzzle, each day that we argue until we're blue in the face about directions to a new place, I love him more and more.  Because we can do hard things!  You never know how much you love someone until they start doing chores without you asking them.  You never know how much you love someone until they are having to care for you when you can't care for yourself.  You never know how much you love someone until you have done hard things together.

We can do hard things, and I'm so grateful we made it through the newlywed phase so we can really know what love is like.  Congrats to all of the lovely, gorgeous, amazing new brides and grooms out there.  But I hope you know, it gets SO much better.

Us on our wedding day June 21, 2012 vs. Us at Dani and Brett's Wedding June 20, 2014

 

life is loud

So, I used to be awesome at making sure I blogged and had a whole thing planned and schedule.  Lately, I have been incredibly relaxed about it.  Mainly because: My life is a lot louder, faster, more exciting and vibrant than I could stop and blog about.

I work, A LOT.  And to most people that probably sounds like a drag.  In fact, recently my in-laws were in town and I was expressing my job to them.  Honestly, when I put what I do into words it sounds SUPER depressing and not at all fun.  However, I absolutely love it and am thoroughly enjoying my career right now.  JD has been loving his job as well.  Still a security guard, but at a great location and doing really exciting things.  Plus, he is only 10 minutes from my office and we both work Monday-Friday like normal human beings now.  So we can commute together!  Yay for actually getting to spend time together during the week now!

We're loving our new space and recently inherited more furniture than I know what to do with, but we'll figure out where to put everything soon (heaven help me, it had better be soon).  I'm currently loving having a desk at home that I can work at when I am on-call with work and JD is loving having a dining room table that we can sit and eat dinner together at (I've never personally been a "dinner at the table" girl.  Growing up it was reserved for special occasions, but compromise is necessary and JD is opening my eyes to actually sitting to eat together as a normal thing).

We're loving living in Salt Lake City.  We've only ever lived in small towns with the exception of when I was at college in St. George, UT.  However, St. Geezy is fairly small in comparison to the Great Salt Lake.  We have a lot of fond memories of SLC.  We were married here, we honeymooned here, and now we live here!  It has basically rocked my world having a Target within walking distance.  No worries, I haven't gone totally crazy yet (although I have only been here a couple of months....just give it some time....) however the first week I was here I literally went to Target everyday.  Now we have broadened our shopping horizons, but Target still has a very special place in my heart.

So, expect blogging to resume but don't be too upset if I'm not blogging 5 days a week.  Perfection is impossible, so I appreciate having you here with me as I continue in my imperfect blogging journey.

Here's to being more content in not being perfect, but finding happiness regardless.