getting healthy....sucks

So this one time, I decided I'd go running.  I mean, I played tennis for a year, I took gym, I was in theatre and dance, I could totally run.  Fun fact: If you haven't been running in, oh I don't know, 4 years, don't do it.  Just, don't.

After about 10 minutes into my run, I found myself feeling like this...

(via)

Luckily I had the hubs and our dog were with me to keep me motivated and to help me jog/walk the rest of the way.  I guess I shouldn't expect to be able to do a run at a speed I was able to do when I was a teenager...but seriously,  is this my body really this out of shape?  Am I really so run down in my twenties?  

Needless to say, I basically had an existential crisis as I pondered these things. (Who am I? Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide, no escape fr-....wait, that's Queen....Whoops...) I mean, seriously, I'm a twenty year old woman, why in heaven's name can't I have the same body and be in the same shape I was in high school?!  I mean, I've always had a little bit of fluff. (As my girl Ashton over at A Fluffy Girl says, have you read her blog? Because she's seriously the sweetest gal you will ever meet.)  But, I distinctly remember not having this much fluff and being able to run for 10 minutes without wanting to die.  

When I was in high school, I first noticed my emotional eating habits, although they've been happening for as long as I can actually remember.  No date for the weekend? Ben and Jerry's, bam, perfect date night.  But, seriously, I had a lot of emotional issues I didn't know how to deal with.  So, I ate.  For some reason, food was my comfort.  And I was more than willing to let it "solve my problems."  I was looking at my body and absolutely hating myself.  And I wasn't willing to do anything to change it.  

Thankfully, God blessed me with the absolute sweetest man who never fails to make me feel beautiful and amazing.  Seriously, everyday, multiple times the hubs tells me how beautiful I am, he praises me, he loves all of my curves and basically makes me feel...sexy.  After a conversation with him, I feel like Ellen Degeneres on an particularly good hair day.

(via)

However, a few months ago I came to the realization that I needed to get to the bottom of this issue and break it.  So, I started reading through the twelve step program.  And I felt so much peace.  Seriously, it was like everything suddenly made sense.  My body isn't ugly or awful, it is beautiful and strong.  However, I certainly haven't taken care of my body as I should be.  So, began the journey of health and wellness.

Now, I have a goal to walk everyday with my doggie and the hubs.  I do Zumba 3 times a week (in the privacy of my own home, ain't nobody got time to actually go flaunt themselves at a gym).  I drink the recommended amount of water everyday.  I'm staying away from things I'm allergic to.  I'm making small but profound improvements in my life so that I'm not crash dieting to merely lose temporary weight.  I'm making lifestyle changes at a gradual rate, so that I will be able to feel healthy (and, hey, if I happen to lose a couple of pounds in the process, score).

Hopefully as I continue to make these little lifestyle changes, someday I'll run more than 10 minutes without wanting to die.

Fingers crossed.