Tuesday, July 15, 2014

content : one little word update

After moving and getting a new job and the fun and craziness that come with that, I've been thinking a lot about my "one little word" for the year of 2014.  You may remember this post from January, my word for the year was "content".  However, through the changes we have made in our lives this year my definition of content has drastically changed.

At that point in my life (January 2014) I was in a serious funk.  My husband was starting to notice it as well and trying to figure out how to best help me with it. I just wasn't happy, and feelings of that unhappiness started in 2013.  So, I got a new job.  I was happy for a short time but it just wasn't lasting...The feelings of unhappiness just kept rolling in and I didn't know what to do.  I was frustrated and felt stuck.  I thought maybe I was wanting to have a baby, maybe I wanted to just quit my job and be at home, maybe I wanted to just run away from all responsibilities and join a hippie commune in the forest.

Obviously, none of those proposed "ideas" were the answer to my problem.  I prayed day in and day out to learn to be "happy in my circumstances" and "content where I was."  I felt so guilty because I was trying to hard to just force myself to be happy in an environment where I just...wasn't.

One particularly difficult day in January, JD toyed with the idea of moving.  He knew of some openings with his company in Salt Lake, thought maybe I may be interested.  I brushed off the idea at that point and said that moving was just totally not within the realm of possibility.  However, that little seedingly of thought kept creeping back into the forefront of my mind.  What if we moved?  What if I started a different job?  How would I find a job?  Where would we live?  Would I even like living in a city?  I've never lived in a real city!  How would we do it? 

In about February we continued to pray about whether or not a move was the best things for us to do.  In the middle of February it was just glaringly obvious that our time in Kemmerer needed to end.  So, we made the decision to quietly being planning our move to SLC. JD started putting in his paperwork for a transfer into SLC, which we figured would be ready around June.  So, I started applying to a few jobs thinking within a few months something would probably pop up.

Two days after applying for a trucking company based in Salt Lake City, they wanted me to come down for an interview the next morning.  The interviewer and I really hit it off, I didn't even think there way any way I had the job when I left because I have never felt so relaxed after a job interview.  I went to the hair salon after the interview to gush over our moving plans and get pampered to relax after such a stressful endeavor.  While my color was processing, I got a call from my interviewer wanting to know what starting salary would be acceptable to me because they were offering me the position.  They wanted me to start in 1 week.

So, the move went much quicker than planned.  Miraculously, JD was able to transfer down the week after I was down here full time.  My aunt was kind enough to let us stay in her spare room until our apartment was ready.  We still have a ton of crap I should really throw away boxes of our stuff in my parent's basement.  We basically packed up an air mattress and some essentials and jumped in the car headed for Utah.

A little more about being content: I've slowly come to realize, being content in your life DOES NOT mean making yourself unhappy.  Yes, being content can lend itself to mean being happy regardless of what is happening in your life.  However, contentedness should not be an explanation for disliking your life.  If there are legitimate changes you can make in your life to make yourself more happy, do it.  Don't ever put off your happiness for the convenience of others.

So, there are some of my little thoughts regarding being content.  Someday I'm gonna revamp this blog design again, but for now I'll just go crawl into bed and wake up tomorrow another day as a cubicle worker.

And I'll be happy about every second of it.

Monday, July 7, 2014

it gets better: marriage edition

On June 20th, we attended a lovely reception for JD's cousin who recently got hitched.  Dani, the bride, looked radiant and lovely.  Brett, the groom was clearly so filled with love.  Both them and their families were blissful and joyful, so happy to see the start of a brand new family unit.  It was a beautiful evening with lovely flowers, cake and loved ones.  It also turned out to be a lovely reminder, considering our wedding anniversary would be the next day, of how happy I am....to not be newlyweds anymore.

Yes, the blissful newlywed stage seems to be great to the outsider looking in.  They're happy to be alive, happy to be united with the one you love for eternity, also you're riding the high of having an entire party devoted just to you and your love.  The bride and groom look so joyful you just must imagine they never speak ill to each other, constantly serenading each other with their loving words.  Perfection, is the one word that most use to describe those in such a blissful stage.

I vividly remember sitting in the Salt Lake City LDS Temple, clinging to my soon-to-be hubby's hand with tears in my eyes thinking "I will never love him as much as I love him right now."  Which, to be honest was a bunch of bologna.  Because I can tell you with absolute certainty that I love my cute hubby SO MUCH MORE than I ever did on our wedding day.

Sure, there are things that get worse.  Household chores get bothersome, sometimes arguments ensue over nothing in particular, sometimes you just feel the need to get your frustrations out and your spouse is the only one there.  It can be really difficult, I'd never in my life say that spending your eternity with another imperfect person and trying to figure out how to make your imperfections work together is an easy task. 

Each day that we argue over what game to play, each day that we support each other in making big decisions, each day we frustratedly give up on a Coca-Cola puzzle, each day that we argue until we're blue in the face about directions to a new place, I love him more and more.  Because we can do hard things!  You never know how much you love someone until they start doing chores without you asking them.  You never know how much you love someone until they are having to care for you when you can't care for yourself.  You never know how much you love someone until you have done hard things together.

We can do hard things, and I'm so grateful we made it through the newlywed phase so we can really know what love is like.  Congrats to all of the lovely, gorgeous, amazing new brides and grooms out there.  But I hope you know, it gets SO much better.

Us on our wedding day June 21, 2012 vs. Us at Dani and Brett's Wedding June 20, 2014